Five Ways Pregnancy Changed Me
Everything changed the day I saw those two pink lines.
And yet, for a long time, it felt like nothing had changed at all. Since I still looked more or less the same, and the people I came in contact with every day had no idea that there was a little person growing inside of me, it was easy to forget that it was happening. But as the months went by, it became harder and harder to deny that that our family was growing and everything was changing. The season of pregnancy changed me in ways I never expected, and they were really great changes. I'm thankful for what this season has taught me, and I'm excited to continue to grow and change in the months ahead.
1. I became more okay with being less productive.
I've worked hard to be the best my entire life. The best grades in school. The best artist in college. The most successful business owner and photographer around. I've always been very goal oriented and tried to fill my days full to accomplish as much as I can.
But creating a human changed all of that.
For months, the most I could manage to accomplish in a day was napping and reading. Maybe if I was feeling super good, I could somehow get myself in the shower and do a load of laundry. I didn't feel like myself for a long time, and during that time, I had to learn to let go and be okay with being less productive. Because, let's face it - that's my reality now. Now that baby is here, I don't have all day to work anymore. My schedule looks very different, and honestly, I'm okay with that. I've gotten to the place where I welcome it. Because the purpose of life isn't necessarily to be the best, most productive version of yourself, and in 50 years, I'm going to be glad that I slowed down, put the to-do list away, and was present with this little person that I've been entrusted with.
2. My priorities has shifted.
My entire adult life has been centered around my work. To be honest, running a business is all-consuming, and I've spent the majority of the last six years either working or asleep. And while I'm still working now that Meredith is here (and I truly love my work!!), my job isn't the most important thing anymore.
And I think that's honestly a really good thing.
3. I've had to learn to let go.
There were some things I could control (like ensuring I'm eating nutritious foods and getting exercise) to an extent, but for the most part, I couldn’t control what's happening to me. My body was ever changing, and a thousand things could happen in pregnancy and I couldn’t change a single one of them - they just happen. I felt like I was changing every single day and there's nothing I could do about any of it, so instead of freaking out, I learned to let go and embrace how wild and uncontrollable the season is.
4. Every decision I make now is made through the lens of being a mother.
Vacations. Travel. Work. My daily routine. Major purchases. The food I choose to consume. Everything. It's a shift in perspective that continues to become more prominent every day, and it took a while to adjust to the fact that the decisions Lucas and I make don't just affect us anymore.
5. I love Lucas more than I ever have.
There were several days where I've just broken down and cried uncontrollably for an embarrassing length of time thinking about how much I love my husband. How much life we've done together over the past 8 years, and how incredible he's been through all of it. He's my best friend, and has been so so so amazing through all of my craziness and changes in the last year. He is just the most incredible father ever, and I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me to watch him love our daughter.
Literally crying now just thinking about.